The Importance of Being Ushered
Weddings — a celebration, a uniting, a beautiful piece of hope in the desolate wasteland of life. It's a tradition that brings lovers together, in front of their friends and family, to promise the rest of their lives to each other. In a world of constant change and turmoil, it's a reminder that good is there to be found in the world.
And it's falling apart in front of our eyes. (Not because of "gay marriage" — don't be an idiot.)
This fabric of society is weakening because the very needles that sew this textile, the objects that weave the two families together, just as the lovers weave their lives together, are steadily decreasing in number. The objects of weaving in question are none other than ushers.
Unfortunately, statistics confirm the trends that marital experts have been tracking for some time now. The rise and fall of marriages and divorce correlate strongly with the decline in ushered weddings.
Because of marriages central role, this is a tragedy for society. Anthropologists recently uncovered census information from both the ancient Romans and Greeks, before their respective falls, and found that declines in ushered-weddings were predictors of major military defeats and societal unrest.
Three times more likely to suffer paper cuts whilst mailing thank-you's.
35% lower fulfilment of registry requests.
30% increase in disgruntled mutterings from grandparents
Purchase houses prone to basement flooding
More likely to sire unhappy children
On average, experience four more flat tires over lifetime.
Facts are simply facts, a world without ushers is a dark place.
Make your voice heard so that friends and loved ones understand the importance of being ushered. Weddings, and the future happiness of the marriages they celebrate, depend on you.
More importantly, the Radaj/Sullivan wedding is coming up in September and we (Jamie & Rob) think we'd make excellent ushers. So, do something.Sign the Petition
© 2015 - A Jamie/Rob Production
OK, so not all of the facts above are correct. Still, we would like to be the ushers in the upcoming Radaj/Sullivan wedding.